My Heart and Soul is Broken

Today started off as any other day.  I got up, walked the dog, got coffee for myself and Mom and then came downstairs to do some work on the computer before I had to go out and run some errands and pay some bills.  Just a normal day.  

Just before I left, the new began to stream in.  A shooting in an elementary school.  Only one reported death at the time.  I used the intercom on our house phone to clue in Mom on the situation then told her I was about to leave and do what I had to do.  

It was a beautiful and wonderful walk to my destinations.  The temp wasn't too hot or too cold.  The sun was out and the park smelled wonderful.  

I paid my bills, then decided to treat us with some chicken which Mom loves so much from Churches.  

While I am standing in line, I call to see if my nephew and his fiancee wanted anything.  This was when I was told that the number of dead had been raise and that the majority of them were children.  I know I must have been very loud when I said "What" in my phone.  I couldn't believe what I thought I heard was what my mother had said.  She repeated the numbers, and was told my nephew would pick me up if I wanted.  I did and he was there within minutes.  

Once home I made our plates and then, as with any tragedy, I simply sat and watch the news coverage, turning ocassionally to see what was on the news online and how others I knew, from around the world were saying.  I checked out Twitter and Facebook, CNN, MSNBC.  

More than once I had to wipe my tears as one reporter after another almost lost their carefully maintained composure, knowing many of them were thinking of their own children.  

20 Children dead and 6 adults, along with the shooter.  

20 Children and 6 adults.  Killed in a place we all hope and pray every day is safe for our precious ones.  

How can you wrap your mind around this carnage.  How can you for a moment honestly not pray that this is all a nightmare and you will soon wake up and realize none of this has happened.  But you take a breath and know that yes, it is, it has happened.  

I can't express my shock and my sadness, my rage and my want for vengeance. I can't express the pain in my soul.  I can't even try to imagine what these parents are going through, especially at this time of year where Children are supposed to be happy, excited about Christmas.  Excited about lights and toys, and.....

And then I think of the First Responders.  I think of them having to go through and see this horror, yet do their job.  I worry that this is going to have an effect on their lives.  I hope they seek out help if they need it, and in my very very humble opinion, every one of them will need help.  

What do we do.  

We mourn.  

We reach out and do what we can to ease the suffering. 

We pray and send positive and healing energies.  

We DO NOT look away.  We must face this.  We much look at this horror head on and not give in to the spirit of vengeance.  

My heart is breaking.  My soul cries.  

My belief is, as each soul left the no longer needed bodies, there were a host of Loving Beings, Angels, Gods, Goddesses, Relatives and Friends to greet these battered souls and help them adjust with love and open arms. 

My belief is that those who are left behind, lost, broken and hopeless are surrounded by Beings of Love, that they are held by Compassion and strength.  

Blessed are those that were taken, and those that are left behind. 



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