My Second gift for 911 Anniversary

I found this on the web, shortly after the towers fell.  I usually post it somewhere every year around the time the World cried. 

A Pagan's View of 911

Where were the Gods

All the Gods were terribly busy during the evening of September 10, 2001. They sent feelings of foreboding to many people, and for some they sent minor illnesses that prevented them from wanting to go to work, or to take that flight the next morning. For those who persisted in spite of bad feelings and upset tummies or headaches, the Gods worked on through the early hours of the morning, setting up traffic snarls, and delaying mass transit. They caused forgetfulness and arguments that delayed many more people from reaching their flights on time, or getting to work during the crucial minutes that could have taken their lives.

The World Trade Center normally has over 50,000 people in it. Less than 20,000 actually showed up for work on time that day, ignoring or oblivious to all the signs the Gods put in their way. The airplanes had seating for more than a 1,000 people each; quite a few seats were empty on all four flights that day. The Gods rode those airplanes, standing ready to support their people. Mars and Athena, Thor and the Morrigan soothed anxieties, and instilled the people with courage to meet their fate bravely.

Those who chose to fight (it could have been ALL of the passengers, for all we know - and that's what I choose to believe), the Gods stood by them, offering them support and channeling away their fears. Valkyries escorted the flights to their destinations to help the Gods lift the souls at just the right time to the afterlife of their beliefs. When the planes struck the towers and the Pentagon, the Gods were there, striking fear into those who had time to flee so they would run faster, and cradling the spirits of the ones who died.

They sat beside the wounded, soothing them until rescue came - and urging the rescuers to hurry. When the planes struck the towers in New York City, the buildings did not collapse immediately. They stood tall and trembling, held up by the hands of many Gods so as many people as possible could evacuate the buildings -not just the towers, but the buildings nearby, too. When the towers were so fragile the Gods had to let go, they pushed the walls inward, so the towers didn't fall across the city and cause even greater damage. They collapsed neatly in on themselves in as small a space as they could. And when the damage to the Pentagon and the towers was done, the Gods spent time supporting each rescue worker and volunteer as they tackled the grizzly backbreaking work of searching for the wounded and retrieving the dead, giving them strength and determination, keeping despair at bay. Other Gods, among them powerful Quetzalcoatl and loving Amaterasu and tender Glioca, cherished the shocked souls of the citizens of the two cities, giving them the courage to face another day in a ravaged city, the courage to go back to work, the courage to smile again. And still other compassionate Gods: Kuan Yin, Krishna, Demeter, Hera, Buddha and the Jade Emperor of Heaven, guarded the wounded souls of the friends and families who searched for and waited for word of their missing loved ones, ready to support them through the grief when they learned it was their loved one who was dead, and cheering with them when one was found alive.

All around the country, the Gods rallied to their people, sending power to heal the spiritual wounds to those who had the knowledge and desire to use that power. Prayer circles and healing circles dotted the land, candles burned on shelves, and bonfires blazed in tribute to the fallen, and in praise of the living. Love, love from the peopleand love from the Gods, were balm to the wounded heart of the land.

Only a tithing of those who should have died that terrible day did. Each person who died paid the price of life for their coworkers and fellow travellers. What the Gods planned is unknown to me, but I know each soul was tenderly cherished as it left it's body. The Gods were terribly busy then. And they are busy still. Pause and feel the power of the Gods thrumming through the air. Hear the words of the Gods through the voices of their people. See the work of the Gods all about you. The power of the gods is in you and of you - and you are not alone.

Author Unknown

On the 10th Anniversary of 911, I share two things with everyone.

Here is a heart moving video from a wonderful band called "The Silent Still".  Check them out on their website.

Gratitude Seems to be the Thought of the Day

First thing every morning I get up and make coffee for myself and Mom. Then after I sit with her for a while, I settle in front of the computer and begin looking at several sites that start my morning.

Today has been the same as every other day.

However, instead of the usual multitude of game requests and silly status jokes, I have found more than one entry about Gratitude. Funny little word. Gratitude.

So I get to thinking. Am I showing my gratitude enough: To my family, to my friends, to my God/dess?

Lets take a look for a moment at my present state of affairs.

My house looks like a clutter bomb went off. Everytime I think about getting up and trying to declutter the place I get side tracked. I'm side tracked so easily now days. So very little gets done. But Damn it I at least have a roof over my head. I have a house that can have clutter in it. There's one point to be thankful and show gratitude about.

I go in the kitchen to figure out what to make for lunch and supper. My freezer has two packages of meat. I have only a few cans of veggies and an a box of instant oatmeal. In my icebox I have one stick of margarine, no eggs, no milk and no cheese...hmmm....I think I might have some rice noodles in the pantry but I'll have to look. Well, at least I have something I can try to throw together. Only four days before I can buy groceries and tomorrow I can actually go to a food pantry and get a bit extra to tide me over. I think to myself for a fleeting second...what's there to be thankful for. Then I stop and remember. At least I have the food I have. I know there are others that have nothing and have had nothing for days if not weeks. All I have to do is turn on CNN to see the horrifying pictures of children dying because of no food or water. So yes, even with so little I have so much to be grateful for.

I sit back down and look at my bank account. Yep still overdrawn by 4.00. By the time the paychecks hit the bank you can add another 13 dollars for our extended overdraft fee. Not a penny to my name. But I know there is money coming. Money to pay bills and buy maybe one or two things we just enjoy having. I certainly need to be grateful for that. At least one of the men in this household is working and the other is looking hard for employment every day. My mother, bless her, has her SSI check that is regularly deposited so that we can make ends meet. I am truly grateful for that.

And we are all healthy. Nuff said there. Very grateful for our health.

So I guess all the posts I read earlier were just a reminder, if I get a bit down about my present circumstance, and I take a step back and look really hard, I come to this conclusion

I am truly Blessed and for that I have eternal Gratitude.

Dusty Altars

But the Power remains Strong.

Altars are very personal things for anyone who has one. Whether they be communial, family or personal ones, there, in most cases seems to be a need to keep them shiney and clean.

But what happens if that Altar becomes dusty, becomes disorganized?

I was thinking about this very thing just the other night as I went to bed and noticed my own personal Altar. Although it isn't dirty, to anyone who does now know me, it would seem to be neglected. This is far from the truth.

I have certian long term rituals that I never take down, that the only thing that is moved or replaced is the seven day glass candle. Everything else has its purpose and is fully active.

So what of it? What of the dust on the wood, or the dullness of the stones and/or chalice? Does it make a difference?

Some will say I am being disrespectful. That I am not showing proper respect to my craft as a witch nor the power that I am asking for. They will say that I shouldn't keep doing this and that I need to straighten up the cockeyed wand or polish the silver pentegram.

Why?

Here is my view. The things on my Altar are just that. Things. They do not breathe, they do not eat nor sleep. They are embued with only what I allow. My intent is firmly in the ritual. And the most important thing? I have faith that the rituals are doing what I need. Bringing the outcome that is best for me and mine.

When one pays more attention to how something looks, now shiney or polished they can get things, theres a chance they are not concentraiting on their intent enough. Of course that is only my opinion and I fully expect that many will see things differently.

What is the difference of having a dusty Altar and having no altar at all.

Come to think of it, do we need things or Altars to even expect our power to work? Why is it so important that we gather things to put on our Altars?

The power is there. The power is strong,

I guess my Dusty Altar isn't to bad after all.


This was originally written for an essay for a group I belonged too. But Recently I was thinking about it and decided to repost it here.

The Rest of the World

Sometimes I wonder where the rest of the world is compared to me. Of if I am too sensitive for the rest of the world.

Point.

I just read and heard that there had been an explosion in Norway, along with a gunman opening fire in a political youth camp.

So what do I do. I turn on the news station and hit my twitter and facebook accounts for more information.

What do I find?

Very little about the explosion or how others feel about it. I find instead a wall full of game requests, tweet after tween from ComicCon....And I sit rather still and wonder do they even know what has happened and if they care that lives have been lost.

I flashback to 911 where I actually had people on my friends list that couldn't understand why I was so upset because I lived hundreds of miles away.

When the Explosion happened in Bali or the various earthquakes/floods/natural disasters happened half way across the globe, I still seemed to be effected by it where many on my friends lists and even my own family and neighbors didn't seem phased about these things.

So I wonder. Where is the Rest of the world when it comes to these things. Are they that disassociated with death and destruction that it no longer bothers them? Do they not pay attention because it makes them feel safer not to acknowledge the deaths and horror?

Maybe it is just me. Maybe I am too much of a sensitive to bother with the news anymore. Too caring that a life, even a life I know nothing about across the world in a place I will probably never visit, to be understood.

I don't know. I just don't understand.




NOTE: This is not directed at any one in particular. No one has done or said anything to make me wonder if they are truly my friends. Those that know me, will realize this is something I have always wondered and struggled with. Bless you all who take the time to send prayers and anything else to those in harms way.

Depression of a Souther Wiccan Lady.

There used to be a time when a proper Southern Lady didn't talk about certain things. One of those things was depression. Even today you will find many women in the south, not admitting that they are might sometime have to struggle with depression.

Maybe it is because some of them still, to this day do not understand that depression, as many other disorders is an illness and not a sign of weakness, insanity or embarrassment.

For me, this is something I have truly lived and struggled with all my life and have spoken very little openly about. I can't tell you why, except there were just things one didn't talk about. And as my precious mother would say, "you just have to find a way to deal with it."

Easier said than done.

Depression is one of the reasons I haven't posted to this blog in a few days.

Lets just say my stop smoking has almost completely gone to the way of the dinosaurs. Granted I'm not smoking a pack a day, but I am still finding myself walking outside at least twice a day to have that little puff of hell.

But that isn't the point of this blog. I'll continue to work on that aspect of my life and my health.

This entry is strictly about depression.

I don't have any educational or medical answers. I have only myself and my thoughts.

When depression starts, it usually is something simple that sets it off. A word taken the wrong way, a glass left full on the desk, even something as simple as one of the pet trying to get close to be loved, only to have me push them away because my nerves are frayed.

If I can't get that depression under control quickly, it begins to spiral downwards. Each moment becoming darker and denser. I can't breathe sometimes. I can't find the energy to do simple things. Even my hygine seems to suffer. I don't care to brush my hair or shower. All I want to do is find somewhere and sit, simmer and fester.

This is one of those times. I can't see an end to anything at all. And it seems that everything that happens is much worse than it really is.

I know, deep in my soul that everything will work out. Whether it be finances or the well being of everyone here. But my emotions are unchecked. I yell at the slightest of things. I want to cry all the time and I really don't want that kind word or that gentle touch that is offered to bring me comfort. Its like I would rather suffer, to hurt in silence and alone.

I also know that this will not last. I will keep clawing my way up. I will keep fighting to make myself do the things that need to be done. I will look into the eyes that love me, human and animal and see that I am not alone. I will know that with each step I take, I have many behind me and in front of me reaching out, helping me to find that next steady step.

Yes I am a proper Southern Lady. Yes I am a strong Spiritual Woman.

Depression will not take me. I am stronger and with help, I will once again be that light at the top of the hill, reaching out for others who are suffering in silence. I will take their hands and I will help them to reach the top, and together we will survive to fight another day.

Is this a Suicidal Thought?

I'm fifty sumpin years old.

I'm sitting in our patio, looking at various things I need to do to start getting ready to make a container garden.

Over in the corner is a Schwinn bike my brother recently paid 40.00 for at a local pawn shop.

(see where this is going)

I've never been on a bike in my entire life. I've always been of the mind that if it is too far to walk, you go in a car. If it is not far enough to drive you walk.

Now, with my new found wanting to get back in shape, I'm seriously thinking about learning to ride this bike and using it at least once a day in the park across the street from me.

I won't try without the boys being around first.....but....is this suicidal thoughts?

And on the Third Day

Its late. Very late and I really need to be in bed sleeping soundly. However I'm wide awake, sitting here and wondering what to write about.

Well, it's day three. Today has been so rough. I found myself at one point today, without really realizing it, looking for an ashtray in my nephew's room for a butt. Just a small one. Maybe a puff or two.

When I realized what I was doing, I went across the hall and brushed my few teeth and used a mouthwash. I fussed at myself for not keeping a better eye on myself. But I've made it, three days down.

Its been really rough today. I've been on edge and frankly just wanted to scream at every little thing that happened.

When the boys got home, I thought that I could just relax a bit before I got up and started supper. Well that wasn't to be. Walt, my brother came in through the front door, not the garage. When I asked what was wrong, he took me outside and pointed above the front door. The facade was barely hanging on by a nail or two. I'm surprised that it didn't fall on me or anyone else when we walked through the door.

Took us an hour to get maintenance to get here and look at it. (have I said how badly I dislike this new so called handyman? No? Well I'll have to tell you the story of our first meeting and why I really would rather things fall apart than have him step foot in my home.

Anyway, fixer man came with a ladder and put some screws in the facade to keep it up and said he would be back tomorrow to fill in the gaps with silicone. Silicone?

*sigh* here's hoping and praying that the thing doesn't get blown down by the wind we are having at the moment.

Other Thoughts

Found out that in April, David Wilkerson was killed in a head on collision. David Wilkerson, for those who do not know him, is the author of The Cross and the Switchblade. He founded an organization called Teen Challenge and worked to get young people out of gangs and into Church. I enjoyed reading the book and even though I do not profess christianity as it is today, I feel the world has lost a good man.

And what about that actress, Yevette Vickers is it? The one who was the playboy centerfold and was in B movies? Found dead in her home. Well they haven't actually officially said it was her because, get this, her body was nearly mummified. They are saying she has been dead for almost a year. I can't imagine that. No one knew the woman had died for that long? I hope it was a case of her just going to sleep and passing, and not suffering along for an extended period of time.

Time for Bed. Maybe I will be over the worse of this detox and withdrawals in a few days. I can only hope and pray this is so. Not ready to give in just yet. I really do want to live smoke free.

Blessed Dreams Everyone.

Conflicted

I was going to sit and just write about my first day without smokes, and what kind of Beltane I had.

Then last night, everyone knows about what time, something happened. Breaking News on CNN, FOX, MSNBC and other stations. President Obama would be making a statement on National Security.

I can't tell you what I felt as I heard the news. Bin Laden was dead. Assassinated by Navy Seals.

I set up till almost three in the morning, switching from one channel to another, just watching and gathering any information I could.

I should be happy, yes?

Here is a man who put into place the most horrendous man made disaster, killing thousands of innocents. Destroying millions of lives.

I'm just not sure if I am happy about the way it happened.

Just something I'll have to contemplate.

Beltane Just around the Corner

And as usual, I'm not ready. Not household wise, not ritual wise and definitely not financially wise. I would love one year to actually be able to cook a whole special and very fancy Beltane meal for my family but this year, it will probably be simple like cornbread (or corn fritters, Mom loves those and I haven't made them in a long time) Maybe a cake with cream cheese frosting, and it depends on if I am going to have anything left over from payday (another month where rent is going to be sorely late due to boys playing when they shouldn't be playing) I might go out and get a brisket and make chili or something else everyone likes.

Beltane is also the day, remember I will be stopping smoking. I will spend tomorrow cleaning house, washing all my clothes and bedding and taking any other tobacco product up to Franks room where he will make his own or have to do without. I'm not tempting myself this early on by making his cigarettes. He has also promised to only smoke outside and not inside. If he holds to that promise he will be smoking less.

I am not holding him to the not smoking as long as he doesn't smoke around me. I seldom go into his room, and I have him some air freshener to use in case he just can't not smoke. I understand because my smoking place has always been while I'm on the computer (don't boo me, I know it isn't good for the electronics...so shoot me.)

But I'm looking forward to a new start. There are things I really want to accomplish that I have done in a very long time that will not only occupy my time but also start to heal my body and my mind.

Maybe you were thinking that I would fill this blog with mystical musings and wiccan lessons. Well I might but this is also my way of just letting you know how I think, that is when I'm thinking at all. No telling what you will find when I actually sit down and start writing. Maybe something about Wicca, maybe something enlightening or maybe something as mundane and well....a picture of my furbabies.

Goodbye to a Friend/Fiend

I wish I could say I will miss you.

I wish I could say that I will never want you back.

I'm sure you will be missed greatly for a while. Every time I have a cup of coffee I will think of all those mornings you shared that with me, how you helped to wake me up and breath deeply.

I will miss you for a while when everything around me seems to be falling apart. You were always there to help calm me down. Especially when there seemed to be no one else around.

I will miss you for a time at night, that last movie or website we would share together. How you always seemed to be ready before I even knew I was ready.

You always seemed to anticipate my needs long before they surfaced enough for me to recognize them.

But you lied to me. Your false sense of momentary peace will be replaced with the real thing. I understand now that it is you that need me more than I need you. Without me, you are nothing and I think you fear that. Without me you are terrified you will no longer exist.

You may have always been there, never far away, but it has always been at a high price. I have suspected this for a very long time but know I know and understand. Your price is much more than I am willing to give anymore.

You take years from my life. You make it where simple enjoyment like walking the dog makes me so out of breath I can barely make it to the house. Your price has taken the pleasure of running up the stairs and replaced it with slow unsteady steps. Your price has taken away my ability to walk through the park, to enjoy the crips winter mornings and the sweltering summer evenings and replaced it with such a nasty cough that seems to never disappear.

I've drawn the line in the sand now and it is a line you are not allowed to cross. I have my battle plans ready and you will not win.

You now have two days and a few hours to vacate the premises. You will no longer have a place here. You are not welcomed and will not be tolerated.

As I said, I wish I could say I will miss you but I can't. I am looking forward to having my freedom and living life as I did before smoking.

Countdown to Stop Date

Today I will be getting my music set up. One of the things I will be doing is taking long relaxing walks in the park across the street. I think I'll start with meditation music and work my way up to fast music as my body starts to wake up and heal.

I'm also looking into starting a small garden out in my patio and maybe a herbal garden in the house. I used to love to garden pre-smoking days. I mean come on, I had a life before smoking, all I have to do is remember that life and see what I still enjoy doing.

ALTAR UPDATE: Boys got the dresser down that I always had my alter on top. At the moment I have all my objects in various drawers of the dresser and during the next few days I will start organizing them so I know where things are. I haven't had much trouble with Stinker, the tom cat yet on climbing on top of it. I'm adding things slowly, heavy things first and also shaking a can of pennies or spritzing him with water every time he gets up there. I'm hoping by the time I put out the smaller things, he understands it is a no-no to fool with them.

Thing will be rough I understand, but isn't the best things in life, those things you are willing to fight hard for? I think so.

Pressure Cookers and life

Today I learned a life lesson from my pressure cooker.

Now as a southern cook, I love my pressure cooker. I use is often because I usually have to buy the cheaper cuts of meat to save money. However, with the pressure cooker, I have found most if not all the meat I cook comes out flavorful and completely tender.

As I set it up today to cook a rather large piece of brisket, I started with all my spices and liquid. Then I placed the mean in the center and sealed it. I then found the pressure thinggy to put on the top. I have three sizes so I have to always wonder which one is the best.

As I sat and waited for the pressure to build up so I could time it, I found myself thinking about my life and how much pressure I am under almost every hour of every day.

Unlike the pressure cooker, I sometimes forget to let the steam that builds up within me to come out. I let it continue to build and build until I finally explode.

So, what if I actually allow others to know that I'm stressed, that what they are doing or saying is beginning to build up pressure within me. I really don't think they do it on purpose or that they know how badly I really am effected by their words or deeds. They don't know that I need to let some of the steam out before something terrible happens.

So, here's my pressure cooker experiment. I think next time I start feeling like things are building up, instead of internalizing it, I will let it out slowly, maybe in spurts like my pressure cooker does. Then maybe when it is over and all the pressure and steam is released, what will be left is a better, more seasoned me.

Changes

Well, so changes are just around the corner.

I have decided that yes, this is the time to stop smoking and my stop date I decided is May 1st, Beltane. What better day to start a new way of life. Between now and then I have so much I have to do.

I need to clean out and get rid of all the ashtrays and cigarette supplies I have around me. I'll need to make sure all my clothing and bedding is washed so there is no smoke smell. Then what. I've already talked to Frank, my nephew. He has agreed not to smoke anywhere near me and that he will not make his own cigarettes, something I've been doing for him, when I make my own.

Also, tomorrow, the boys are bringing down my Altar.

Since about June of last year, I have been sleeping downstairs so that I could hear Mom if she needed something in the middle of the night. The sofa is very comfy and I sleep well but the one thing I've been missing is my Altar.

So I've cleaned it off, packed away everything I use, and the boys are bringing the dresser that it sits atop downstairs. We have a place picked out and once again I can start setting it up for different things. I've missed it so much.

So, that's about it for now. Need to go finish the dishes so I can make the Cheesecakes for tomorrow. We are having Homemade Taco's for Easter. (grins) Yeah yeah I know, not traditional.

Well, since the death of Dad and Nanny, we no longer do the traditional thing. Every holiday the guys and mom either pick something they like or go through my cook books and choose something really new.

So much for an everyday blog

But I digress.

Ever have one of those days you get up and wonder what the heck you are doing?

I do, right after a fifteen to thirty minute coughing session as I try to make my lungs work. Of course there is the two or three cigarettes I smoke during that time. My brain tells me it is to kick start the lungs into functioning the way they should.

Yeah right.

So, do I try once again to stop smoking? It is something that I've really been thinking about and for the last two or three days, I've actually been making plans and trying to figure out what a good stop date would be. I know I need at least a couple of weeks to get myself and things together to get started. So I wonder, since I have only enough tobacco to last about two weeks or less, maybe a two week (which is actually suggested at the stop smoking websites I've looked into. )

I went almost an entire month without a smoke. Okay, so I was flat of my back and didn't even know what was going on around me, but I didn't have a smoke. Yet a within a week after I was up and back to semi good health, I started lighting up again. My cough has not left.

So, do I or don't I. Of course I'm going to try again. Just a matter of when.

Two weeks. Sounds awfully close but at the same time, it sounds just about right.

To Begin With

Here are some of the places I visit on a regular basis. Please check them out and enjoy what they offer.

Sisterhood of the Rose

Salena Fox on Facebook

Lord Alexian on Facebook

Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom

Christians and Non-Christians (a debate/discussion board)