Goodbye to a Friend/Fiend

I wish I could say I will miss you.

I wish I could say that I will never want you back.

I'm sure you will be missed greatly for a while. Every time I have a cup of coffee I will think of all those mornings you shared that with me, how you helped to wake me up and breath deeply.

I will miss you for a while when everything around me seems to be falling apart. You were always there to help calm me down. Especially when there seemed to be no one else around.

I will miss you for a time at night, that last movie or website we would share together. How you always seemed to be ready before I even knew I was ready.

You always seemed to anticipate my needs long before they surfaced enough for me to recognize them.

But you lied to me. Your false sense of momentary peace will be replaced with the real thing. I understand now that it is you that need me more than I need you. Without me, you are nothing and I think you fear that. Without me you are terrified you will no longer exist.

You may have always been there, never far away, but it has always been at a high price. I have suspected this for a very long time but know I know and understand. Your price is much more than I am willing to give anymore.

You take years from my life. You make it where simple enjoyment like walking the dog makes me so out of breath I can barely make it to the house. Your price has taken the pleasure of running up the stairs and replaced it with slow unsteady steps. Your price has taken away my ability to walk through the park, to enjoy the crips winter mornings and the sweltering summer evenings and replaced it with such a nasty cough that seems to never disappear.

I've drawn the line in the sand now and it is a line you are not allowed to cross. I have my battle plans ready and you will not win.

You now have two days and a few hours to vacate the premises. You will no longer have a place here. You are not welcomed and will not be tolerated.

As I said, I wish I could say I will miss you but I can't. I am looking forward to having my freedom and living life as I did before smoking.