My Heart and Soul is Broken

Today started off as any other day.  I got up, walked the dog, got coffee for myself and Mom and then came downstairs to do some work on the computer before I had to go out and run some errands and pay some bills.  Just a normal day.  

Just before I left, the new began to stream in.  A shooting in an elementary school.  Only one reported death at the time.  I used the intercom on our house phone to clue in Mom on the situation then told her I was about to leave and do what I had to do.  

It was a beautiful and wonderful walk to my destinations.  The temp wasn't too hot or too cold.  The sun was out and the park smelled wonderful.  

I paid my bills, then decided to treat us with some chicken which Mom loves so much from Churches.  

While I am standing in line, I call to see if my nephew and his fiancee wanted anything.  This was when I was told that the number of dead had been raise and that the majority of them were children.  I know I must have been very loud when I said "What" in my phone.  I couldn't believe what I thought I heard was what my mother had said.  She repeated the numbers, and was told my nephew would pick me up if I wanted.  I did and he was there within minutes.  

Once home I made our plates and then, as with any tragedy, I simply sat and watch the news coverage, turning ocassionally to see what was on the news online and how others I knew, from around the world were saying.  I checked out Twitter and Facebook, CNN, MSNBC.  

More than once I had to wipe my tears as one reporter after another almost lost their carefully maintained composure, knowing many of them were thinking of their own children.  

20 Children dead and 6 adults, along with the shooter.  

20 Children and 6 adults.  Killed in a place we all hope and pray every day is safe for our precious ones.  

How can you wrap your mind around this carnage.  How can you for a moment honestly not pray that this is all a nightmare and you will soon wake up and realize none of this has happened.  But you take a breath and know that yes, it is, it has happened.  

I can't express my shock and my sadness, my rage and my want for vengeance. I can't express the pain in my soul.  I can't even try to imagine what these parents are going through, especially at this time of year where Children are supposed to be happy, excited about Christmas.  Excited about lights and toys, and.....

And then I think of the First Responders.  I think of them having to go through and see this horror, yet do their job.  I worry that this is going to have an effect on their lives.  I hope they seek out help if they need it, and in my very very humble opinion, every one of them will need help.  

What do we do.  

We mourn.  

We reach out and do what we can to ease the suffering. 

We pray and send positive and healing energies.  

We DO NOT look away.  We must face this.  We much look at this horror head on and not give in to the spirit of vengeance.  

My heart is breaking.  My soul cries.  

My belief is, as each soul left the no longer needed bodies, there were a host of Loving Beings, Angels, Gods, Goddesses, Relatives and Friends to greet these battered souls and help them adjust with love and open arms. 

My belief is that those who are left behind, lost, broken and hopeless are surrounded by Beings of Love, that they are held by Compassion and strength.  

Blessed are those that were taken, and those that are left behind. 



SullyErna AvalonLeak EOAC-VIMEO from Daniel Catullo on Vimeo.

Another Year Gone Past Without Posting

Sometimes it is just so hard to post anything and not sound like I am whining. That is something I certainly do not want to start doing.

 This past year I lost a good friend. You know how some say someone is taken too young? Well that is exactly the way I fell. Let me introduce you to Greyson Asher.

I met Greyson while playing an online game. It was an adult 3D world where anything could go. It actually didn't take long for me to get tired of the whole cybering thing and I started making good real friends in this world.

 Greyson and his then Lady Erika, I met through a mutual friend, who eventually broke my heart. (but that is neither here nor there) Many times, I would tell Greyson that he was very intimidating. He could never understand why. I tried to explain that the vibration I got from him through our numerous private talks just felt like he was a very old soul and that he had more power in his little finger than I could ever hope to have. He would just laugh and shake his head.

 Eventually, I became the counselor of Greyson in this make believe world. I would always be at family meetings, or meetings with other houses, where I could give him advice on whatever he was being approached about. Many times we were the house who mediated between problems with other houses or families.

 Just as all things end, going to that game ended for us at about the same time. We tired of all the back biting and fighting between houses, and it was getting impossible to just find time to visit.

 We we left about the same time, but never lost touch. He worked at a hospital, working his way through medical school and sometimes we would spend all night long talking on GTalk. He would have to excuse himself many times just to check on a patient that had walked in. *smiles* He even sent his "family" a picture of the first baby he was delivered. He looks so proud as does the mother of the child.

Then, a few months ago, he told me of his own health problems. I set up healing rituals and hoped against hope I would have my Grey to talk to again, and visit as he ran back and forth caring for those souls that walked through the door of his hospital.

One night we said goodnight and that was it.

 I found out a few days later that my Greyson was gone.

 Crossed over and now on the realm of spirit. It has been very hard for me to accept that I will not see his smiling face or hear his infectious laugh again.

No more will we speak together on the physical of spiritual things, me helping him remember things from his past lives.

 I miss Greyson. I don't think I will ever get used to him being gone. However I know, he's out there somewhere and I am sure that one day, we will be able to speak together again.

Dance in joy Greyson. Dance in joy.